Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Dr visit results.

So Alex went to the Dr. yesterday and I ended up talking to him for over 1 hr and I would say somewhere about 2 hr. We spent a lot of time talking about the missing muscle in his chest that is part of a rare abnormality called Poland's syndrome that he has. We also talked a lot about his inability to fall asleep and stay asleep which unfortunately is very common with children on the autism spectrum (ASD), we touched on the aggression issues he has been having, and finally we talked about ways to treat the ASD symptoms.
First he wants to get his vit D levels up to at lest 80 to 100 that in itself is going to be a challenge, but there is some research that show that low vit D levels increases ASD symptoms and I know he has low D levels I am willing to try this.
The next thing was try to put him on a completely gluten free diet. This one I am on the fence about, I know that some children have had improvements on a gluten free diet but I am not sure I want to it is hard enough being dairy and soy free and I am worried about nutrition deficiencies. I am giving it some thought through and looking to see how realistic this is. I am not finding to much research that is giving a positive spin to this lately. So I am not sure this is going to work.
On the other hand with this I may give it a try due to the fact that he has immune labs drawn that show he has issues with some of his immune numbers related to his intestines and his repository system that show he may have a sensitive stomach. I am really on the fence about this, my only thing is I want to do the best for him and make him feel better. I wonder if these numbers will help people who are no careful about what he is eating be more careful because they do not want to hurt him and will stop giving him cheese and milk. product along with soy.
The last thing that was suggested was methyl B-12 shots. They would be an out of pocket expense and I would have to give them at home which I have no problem doing, The thing is this is an experimental treatment and I can not fund much info. I wonder if it worth it to try the one person I told about it says the Dr is full of shit and think every thing can be fixed by a vit or probiotics and diet. The thing is I don't think she realises how much of an effect diet has on autistic children which makes me believe that there may be a nutritional compound in it.
All in all I feel lost. I am going to write more about The B-12 as I do more research and thinking

Saturday, 10 December 2011

A new View

I hate the thought of having a "Special Needs" child. I do not think my son has any thing wrong with him. I do know that he is not like every one else but but I do not feel like this is a bad thing.
The "Autism" label has been driving me nuts and causing an increase in my depression, and I do know that my son will need therapy to be able to function as he gets older so I am not stopping therapy.
I was looking back over the emotions I have gone through since hear the words "Falls on the Autism Spectrum" and I realised I have tried to control it, fix him, figure out what I did wrong to cause this, and  and thrown a pity party for myself. The thing is none of this has helped me feel any better or help Mini-man at all.
My new goal is to find fun and humour in every day life with him but I have to go now cause Mini-man is going to take over the computer I will write more funny stories soon

Friday, 2 December 2011


As I write this I am dreading travelling with my son. I love him and I want to take trips with him but it seems like it turns into a big production. This is a post I have been wanting to put up for a long time but I have not had much of a chance to.
I made a trip to see some family about 3 or 4 weeks ago and was not really worried. I learned that I should have been. We got to the house with no problem but that was the last of it. Mini-man had trouble sleeping, staying calm, and was generally upset because his routine was not right.
This was a learning experience. I now know that I can not travel to a place that will upset the routine. I first experienced this over the summer when camping. He was upset and lost some of his ability to deal with daily life. I really have no clue how to describe what happens when we travel. It just seems to be a big battle.
I am going to my parents this weekend an I will have to keep a log of what it is like to add to this post. This is all I have for my traveling post at this point in time but I have other post to put up.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Nothing new

OK so I have been bad about posting for a couple of weeks now but there is nothing really new to talk about.
The seperation anixty is getting really bad and I can no longer leave home with out Mini-man breaking down. We are also starting project IMPACT training. I hope this is going to help deal with some of the issues we have.

I think that may be one of the best things for our family. I may really have more to post when that happens. I willl also work on sharing more of what every day life is like

Friday, 14 October 2011

a little randomness

I don't often copy and paste stuff but this reminded me on why I want to be a paramedic. I also find I can relate to it with what I am doing now.

The EMT stood and faced God. Which must always come to pass. He hoped his uniform was clean, He'd gotten dressed kind of fast."Step forward now, EMT. How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To my church have you been true?" The EMT squared his shoulders and said,"No Lord I guess I ain't, cause those of us who wade in blood, can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, and at times my talk was tough. And at times I've been violent, cause the streets are awful rough. But I never took a penny that wasn't mine to keep... although I worked a lot of overtime, when the bills got far too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God forgive me, I wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place among the people here. They never wanted me around, except to calm their fears.If you have a place for me, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't I understand." There was silence all around the throne, where saints had often trod. As there EMT waited quietly for the judgment of his God."Step forward now, EMT. You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on heavens streets. You've done your time in hell.

I am always one to stop to help, and I do work most sunday and many stay home to care for Alex cause he cant handle church. I just can relate to this even now working in home health.

I hate would hate to have to say anything to God now because I have been rough,  cried, feared, worked overtime, cried out to the lord in anger and many other things to which I will not admit and this is all from Mini-Man's Autism. I feel like I am putting my time in hell right now on earth. Every day a struggle with money, time, anger, loneliness, saddness, fear, not to mention many others to list here.

Sunday, 25 September 2011


I thought I was prepared to hear the diagnosis
I was not
I thought I would find a miracle cure
I have not
I looked for a cause
I found none
I have looked for some one to blame
I found no one

So now I have started on this journey with you

I use to watch you struggle
Now I struggle with you
I use to let you shut me out
Now I barge in
I use to just let you be
Now I make you join us

I thought you would never be like other
This thought saddened me
Now I see how special you are

It may be years before you call me mommy
I don't care.
I will be daddy as long as you want.

I will be what you need
I will care for you
I will protect you
I will help you because I love you.

All I really want to say is you are my special boy
I love you Mini-Mane
Stay strong and don't let any one tell you are broken
You are not
you are you and you are perfect just the way you are.

This is something I have been working on for my son. I hope some day to share this poor attempt at expressing myself and this blog with him. I want him to know that I love him and want to help I am just lost at what to do.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011


I was called mommy for the first time yesterday. I almost cried. I have been Daddy for so long I thought that I would be that along with DH for the rest of my life. Not much else I wanted to say. For now life is continuing as normal as possible with everything. I wanted to share how wonderful I felt.

Sunday, 18 September 2011


I wish I could stop mini-man from biting. It is starting to cause a lot of problems. First he was kicked out of daycare for biting, which sucks but I can work with (they can not control him and it is becoming a safety issue). The second thing is he has been having issues in school and they have written me a note to see what we do at home but I have nothing we are doing that is working. Now today we went to a new church so that I could try and find a place of worship that better meshes with my beliefs and he could not stay in the nursery due to biting. I am just at my wits end.
Any one have any ideas of what to do for him?
PS. we are going in for an ultrasound tomorrow to check his kidneys because he has Poland's anomaly. I will put more on this issue later as I know more.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

A day in my life

I have been trying to post on what my daily life is like and every time I try it doesn't work. It is so hard to try to get through the wall into mini-man's world. I have some different types of coping methods bit they are not the best. I have been using them because he gets violent if not worked with. He needs quiet, and to be calmed down when he gets upset. If this doesn't happen he will start to get violent. I feel he plays too much computer but I don't know what else to do with him. I fear that he will hurt someone if allowed to become to upset. I deal with multiple temper tantrums daily and have tried all the traditional methods but they have failed.
On the other hand I get to see the world in a new way. I see how overwhelming it can be if one lets it or doesn't block things out. I also get to see the wonder of a new thing every day. It is so much fun to see the bus as a exciting new adventure or going to a Dr as a  big room where I can explore and play.
The best thing is getting to enter mini-man's world. I am rarely given this privilege but I am learning to relish every minute of it. I think that is the hardest part. He is not ready to live in our world yet but is slowly entering. Today though I was in a place where a blanket was a place to hide behind an peek-a-boo is the best. The blanket became a movable wall to hid behind and it was very special but hard to describe.
I thought that this would be the worst thing that I ever would hear about my child, but I am starting to see this as a blessing. It is making me learn and explore this world I have become disillusioned with in a new light.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

The whole story

OK so here is the whole story of my oldest son because he has not always had a healthy or easy life. I know i may leave some things out and for that I am sorry. If you think that something is not making sense let me know and I will fill you in and go back and fix it.
Mini-man was a surprise baby and I was on Zoloft and I wonder if that is the cause of some of his problems but I dagress. My pregnacy was complicated by pre-eclampsia that cause me to be induced. I am not even going to talk about the labor because it was not exactly normal but not too abnormal.
I decided to booby feed and was given help but no one ever told me one thing about booby fed babies is they poop a lot and constipation can indicate a problem if it is an ongoing issue. One other thing about the poop is it should not smell horible. Well guess what it was until around 18 months when we found he has an allergy to milk and soy. That helped with the constipation and the ear infections. He had 6 up until this point which is too many.
That was the first part of his life with the medical issues. The second part starts with some regression with talking about 18 months where he went from some basic speech being some behind but not far to not talking at all. At this point we started speech therapy. 
The next thing that happened is he got RSV and was really sick. At this point he had a hard time breathing so after going to the Dr that morning with it we ended up in the ER with breathing issues, a high fever, and almost catatonic. It took months to kick this. So any way we got over that and we started the autism evaluation.
Now we have had shingles for 2.5 months and are getting that look into because it mean that there is a possible immune issue.
I was also told today that his chest muscles on the right side are either missing or severly under devloped. Ugg and to end this all we have been dealing with iron and vit D defficance though out. We did get the iron sorted out and only have to fix the D issues.

Monday, 5 September 2011


OK so we did a family camping trip this weekend and it was . fun. The only problem was the change in the routine. Mini-man does not do change at all. I understand that it is part of what is wrong but it is driving me crazy.
I really just want to be able to take him and do something different and not have a melt down. Its not that I cant deal I just want to be able to relax with my child and not worry that everything is going to happen at the same time in the same way as always. I know this will not be happening any time soon.
The other major problem we had was he could not sleep and I wanted to cry. In day to day life sleeping is a hit or miss issue and I deal with it. I thought with how tired he was sleep would have been easier but no it was harder. I also felt bad because he stayed in my parents trailer one night and woke up at 3 am and couldn't fall back asleep easy.
My mini-man does love himself some water though. The first thing he did when we got there was say beach water and run to the water. I am so thrilled that he used his words to say what he wanted. We were afraid that if he got out of the tent he would run into the lake and get in trouble. Luckily he didn't.
We had an episode of mini-man repeating "sorry" over and over like and with the tone like he was sorry about something. I just wish I knew what was wrong.
Other then what I listed above nothing too out of the ordinary for a two year old. He did remove his diaper when playing in the car so DH and I could pack. This ended poorly by having poop all over the drivers seat in the car. The clean up wasn't as bad as it could have been 30 min lots of soap and hot water and it was OK. The hard part was getting him in a shower to get the poop out of his hair,. no clue how it got there.
Well I am off to bed, tomorrow is the first day of School for mini-man. Hope putting him on the buss goes well.

Thursday, 1 September 2011

ASD- Austism Spetrum Disorder

I got confirmation of what I already knew today Mini-man has Autism. I am more upset about this then I thought I would be. I know that he is on the high end and I knew somewhere deep inside that he hast I just didn't want to admit it to myself but I still pushed to get him tested.
I am now researching the best therapies for him. I know that he responds well to animals and that Roo, the dog we are watching, can bring him out of his shell when he withdrawn. This is why I am thinking about getting him horseback riding therapy. I am also thinking about getting a pet for him. I really don't know.
There is so much that I just don't what to do. This is a lot harder then I thought it would be to accept.

Sunday, 7 August 2011


As my people on Google+ know I sometimes ask a question of the week well last weeks was what made you fall in love with your significant other. I had asked myself this many times over the years I have been with DH. The thing is I never really had an answer that I liked for that question. The one I kept coming back to was because he is always there. I wondered what others would say and the answer I got was right along the same lines to quote it here " There are a lot of reasons I love Doug, not least of which is the shared experience of 8 years together as best friends. I've always been able to tell him anything and to rely on him, even when we were broken up and angry and barely speaking. But one of the things that makes me fall more in love with him again and again is the way he can always make me feel like the most important person in the world, like he's always happy to see me and be with me even when I'm at my worst. It doesn't take much, just a kind word or affectionate smile, but it's not something most people can manage. I really appreciate those little gestures he's so good at taking the time to do." I under stand this feeling but as time has wore on I am wondering if this is what one needs in a relationship.
Mine has become very routine and I miss the spontaneity of a new relationship. Maybe it is because I do crave change and adventure and adventure is hard to come by when you have children. I mean I even try to take day trips so I have change on a regular basis.
Possible TMI warning, sex is starting to become boring and not as fun. This is just wrong but it is the way things are. I need something different in some part of my life and that should be the easiest part to find it. But I will not go into it cause I am sure not every one wants to hear about it. 
The thing is this question has brought to me what I do not like about my other half. The thing is it is the fact he wants to plan every thing. I hate planning everything I like just doing. I also feel alone because the computer often wins over me. This is the hardest part. 
I really am not sure where this is leading more a reflection on the marriage I am in, I thought that would happen with this post so I am going to let it go and let others take what they want from it. 
I just want to say I do love my husband and plan to stay with him I am just trying to find what else I am missing.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Overweight=foster Care for children?

In Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) this week there was an article suggesting that over weight children be taken from their homes and placed in foster care when their weight becomes a health issue. While on the surface this  is may seem like a good idea, get the child help for what could be a serious health problem and teach the parents about healthy eating and exercise. Win win right? Well if you think about it not so.
By removing the child from there home we may be creating more mental stress for the child and possible confusion for the parent, why was their child taken from them, what did they do wrong ect. If we give the parents classes on healthy eating and child raising why not reunite the family one would say. What if when reunited the child doesn't continue to lose weight or gains some back? Then do we take them from the home again. At what point do parents lose there rights and the child become eligible for adoption?
While it is a good idea to treat childhood obesity what if the family can not afford healthy food options. Should one tell others that due to the fact they can pay 3 dollars for a meal at McDonald's that they should be able to afford five dollars plus for a meal from the grocery store? Or should we tell people that if they can not afford to buy the healthy food for their children they should let them go hungry instead of buying cheep unhealthy food so the children do not have an empty stomach or get starved.
Where do we remove the blame from parents and start to accept partial blame as a society? We who have made foods that we shouldn't be eating so cheep as to not be able to not eat them if one is poor. For example a cheep healthy meal for a family of four would cost aprox. five dollars for a whole chicken, three dollars for veggies, three dollars for a starch, and two dollars for a fruit. Not to mention the four dollars to have a gallon of milk to drink with the meal or the four dollars to have a milk product at a meal. That comes out to about seventeen dollars a meal for the family. Take the family to a place where you can order off a dollar menu and  you pay less as little as eight if every one drinks a free water or even four if the adults do not eat(assuming
there are two adults and two children). At most you could pay twelve dollars total allowing three dollars a person. The problem is this twelve dollar meal is loaded with fat and sugar.
When one looks at the cost of feeding the family one can see where the problem lies. Five dollars or more less to eat a sugar and fat filled meal vs a healthy one. A family on a very limited income could use the extra money to buy diapers or pay bills or any of the other expenses that came from daily living.
Maybe before removing children from a home lets look at what the situation is like that may be causing the child to have weight issues and fix that before separating a family.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Tea Party/Republicans

Ok I am christian and was told that we need to help people who need help. I thought that was the point of so called entitlement programs to help people who need help. So what I don't understand is all the christian who are members of the Tea Party or Republican party who want to do away with entitlement programs that help people. In the bible it is stated that people need to help others who are less fortunate the you.
I know that some of the Republicans who want to do away with entitlements feel that churches will fill in where the government once took care of the needs. What they fail to think about is the fact that they are taking care of those the government is missing for one reason or an other.
What I really wonder is how can they be christian and not want to do what is needed to help others?

Monday, 11 July 2011

Warning labels

So everything has warning labels and if it doesn't someone wants to put one one. Most of them seem unnecessary. Some of my favorites of those are "Warning Coffee is very hot," The picture on the hair dryer and curling iron not to place in water when plugged in, and on plastic bags "Do not allow children and babies to play with may cause suffocation if placed over head and mouth." It just seems like we need to tell people everything they should use their brain to figure out.
Most of the stuff that has warning labels have them because some stupid person has done what is being warned against. That all being said I do think that some are needed. Most of those can be found on medications and other things that are not used often and people need special knowledge to understand.
All things being fair most people know the stuff we are being warned against and choose to do what amounts to being dumb. Then their children don't know any better and the cycle continues. Maybe to fix all this we need to teach people how to think, or maybe let Darwin's theory of evolution take hold and do what it is meant to. If nothing else we would control population growth. 

Friday, 8 July 2011

Teen moms

Ok So today I was passing some time by reading a blog post asking if teen moms should have a baby shower and all that went through my mind is hell yes. I mean it is not like they wanted to get pregnant in the first place and they need the help and support. Let their friends be there and let them have fun. Once they have the baby life will be very different and not very fun for a while. We want them to become good parents and not a "drain" on society. If not giving them a shower would do that then fine but it wont. They need to stuff they get and the love that comes with it.
I know their babies are not planned but they are loved and hopefully wanted. This is what happened to me. now don't get me wrong I was not a teen mother or single but I did have an unplanned pregnancy and did need some help from WIC MIChild and  food stamps to get started. I am not well off now and still need the assistance but I am working on getting off and not needing the help but like teen mom's I have a ways to go. One day I will be out of debt and not in need of assistance, but for now I do and I am not going to apologize for it. It is not a permanent thing and at one point I was starting to get off of it but my second unplanned blessing came and I need some more help to cover extra cost until I can find a better job or my DH can and we can get health insurance.
Until we can get what we need to support ourselves and our family we will use assistance and not apologize and I will gladly give help to those who need it when I can. I will also do what ever I need to save money so we don't need help or have debt. This is why I breast feed, use a hand pump I got for free, cook from scratch and use cloth diapers. I do not go out more then once a month when I would need money take my son's places when money is needed. My weekly splurge is 30.00 for a day of daycare for my oldest so he can get socialization  and extra therapy he needs.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

ER Visit

Dear ER doc.
I know you think that I wanted to be in the ER at 2130 on a Sunday night on a holiday weekend but trust me I had much better things to do. It is just that my baby would not stop screaming and I was at my wits end. I am not dumb in fact I want to start my medic classes in the winter. I know that you don't care and I am just an other over worried mother in what is most likely a long line of them over the weekend. I also get the impression that  you don't want to be working in a small town ER dealing with the every day issues of sick children and dumb drunks ect. but I really do not care. Treat me and my family like we can get some respect listen to what I have to say. My son is sick something is wrong I know this and it is not constipation only. I was right he also has an ear infection. and is in pain. Please treat his infection and pain the constipation not as big of a deal it can wait No dehydration still eating he will poop he is already trying
I know you it is pointless to see the ER for a routine issue such as ear infections and constipation but some times it can't be helped. It is a holiday weekend in a small town and we do not have a walk-in clinic open past 2100. Ok so I came in at 2130 but I wanted to wait until Tuesday to see any one so we could go to the Ped. Then he would know what was going on but it cant always happen that way. You are the one who is on this weekend and that is life. Grow-up and deal.
Thank you

P.S. I did and 5 hr shift with you when I was doing clinic rotations and thought you were rude and did not care for your pts. You do know you shi* though. Just learn some bedside mannor. You would be better liked. People may even stay to be treated.

Visiting Grandma

So excited my oldest in visiting his grandparents for a week. I know I seem uncaring when I say I am over the moon about this. I just need a break. The stress is through the roof here. My husband has applied for a job that would allow us to stay where we are and fallow what we really want to do instead of moving and him going to law school. Now dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with law school but he really doesnt want to go. It was a last resort. I also have applied for a job that I really dont want but if it lets us stay I will do it with a smile. I really want to go back to school and get my medic. I am so happy to have my EMT-Basic but cant find a job with it in this small town.
Well now that I went off topic back to the visit away. I feel it is good for him to go there cause he has auditory processing, sensory seeking and some other issues going on. Poor child is basically being put through thrapey all the time at home cause his mom wants him to be able to deal with what is going on and get up to age level in other areas. I feel bad doing this to him but having had issues and his father has to we dont want him to suffer what we did by being different. Grandma works with special need children and Grandpa is just fun making them the best people to go visit. They also have a farm where a hyper 2 yo can run and play.
I am missing him like crazy though. I hope he is doing well and having fun. I know it is much more fun for me to have him here. A 2 mo is not as much fun and sleeps most of the time. His father is going to enjoy it cause he is going to do his thing and enjoy visiting friends and try to wait for his call, and maybe drink a little extra beer. Mom is going to clean and keep on with life as normal along with return to work. I love my family, just wish they would give me a day off.

Thursday, 21 April 2011

canned food

Now dont get me wrong, I like convenace food as much as the next person, but I wonder how good it is for us. I am writing this as I use manwich to make food for the family when it would take just as much work to make sloppy joes from scrach. Along with that I am making frozen french fries and slicing a cucumber. Not the healthiest thing I have made in a while. The thing is I  dont have hardly enough energy to do this let alone anything else which stinks cause after every one eats I have to clean up the mess. It just seems like it is a never ending cycle. the only good thing is there is minimal clean up tonight. I still wish we could have gone out though. Unfortuatly my weight and icky tummy are preventing that. I am not even eating what every one else is having, I am having leftover soup just because I may be able to stomach that. Well my dinners calling so I will leave more later

Tuesday, 12 April 2011


Ok so my family is great. My husband is helping me around the house not questioning every little thing I do. My DS is so loving and very affectionate. We live in a nice house rented from DH parents and for the first time in a while I have a comfortable good life. I really dont know what else to say about any thing so I guess that is it for now

Saturday, 9 April 2011


So I decided to start a new blog detailing my end of pregnacy and impending move to Detroit witch I am not sure I want to do. So to start I have 27 days left in my pregnacy and dont think I am going to live that long cause I cant breath or move. I have been having contractions for 2 days now they are mostly painless and being called braxton hicks. I want to disagree. All this wouldnt be so bad if I wasn't spend all my time trying to clean, get ready for baby, chase a 2.5 yr old, work part time in home health and be supportive of my husbands impending start of law school. As of right now I am not sure I want to move there with him but really do not have an other option.
On the moving part it seems like some people think I have options not to move and stay where I am, but I really cant. I know law school will take all my husbands time after talking to other law school widows. I will be supporting our family by myself and I am nervous about it. I dont want to live in Detroit but as of right now I have no choice. In reality I will basically be a single parent in a big city that I dont want to live in, in an area I have no intrest in living in or know, who know no one.
My husband and I have recently adopted a healthier life style at least in what we eat, this may be due in part to the fact our son in allergic to milk and soy. This is a hard thing for me to do due to my pregnacy since food does not appeal to me at all. It would be so nice if I could just order a pizza or make something for them out of a box when I am wore out. I will keep trying to fallow the plan so we can be healthier and lose weight (after baby #2 is born for me) and maybe save some money.
Ok so I know this is just turning into a big complaining post about my life but I wouldn't trade my family for anything. I love them so much it just is starting to go crazy here and my life is just starting to overwhelm me.
Next time I will say more about what is good and try to expain more about my stress.