Sunday, 25 March 2012


I have a feeling that I have talked about this before but due to the fact sleep in an ongoing issue I am going to talk about it again. This time I am going to talk about the effect on the whole family and not just Mini-man.
I can count the number of times Mini-man has slept through the night. I has put a big strain on the family due to chronic sleep derivation every one right on down to Micro-man. 
I worry about what that does to out family, it seems at times like we all have shorter then normal tempers and little interest in what is going on in favor of rest. I worry that the sleep deprivation is causing developmental issues in Micro-man and he will suffer in life due to that. While I due know most of those feeling are just mommy guilt it still is there.
DH is having issues to, mostly in the form he is completely useless when he gets home from work leaving me all the house work. At times I think he is faking how tired he is cause he does get more sleep then me and I am  doing more then he does at least physically. All of this is putting a strain on our marriage. I worry how we will survive if any chance we get to do something all we do is sleep and we are not talking due to this.
Then there is me. I find that I am less able to interact or work with the boys when I am this tired I just want to do what is needed and rest. I feel like I am being the worse parent in the world. The other thing it does is makes me almost mean. I am not easy going or as relaxed as normal. I feel bad cause I will snap at people although I try not.
All in all I feel like we are surviving but not thriving. I hope when we get the sleep figured out we can all rest and be better people and a better family.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Autism Island

I feel like my mini-man lives on his own little island some days, Autism Island. I know he is high functioning and for this I am grateful, but sometimes I wish I know what was going on in his world. I feel some days as if I cannot reach him and he is lost to me.
I know my wonderful loving smart boy is in there and wants to come out I just think he doesn't know how and is scared. I try to make the world not so scary but it is hard and I don't know what to do that will make this land we live in a friendlier place. I wonder if I should try and make the trip to Autism Island to bring him here if he cannot cope with the land the rest of the world lives in or if I should let him live on Autism Island, at least until he finds his own way here.
Today is one of the days he is so lost on Autism Island I can not do anything to start to bring him back. Right now his is playing Abby's Flying Fairy School and nothing I have tried has brought him off that computer. I tried to play his preferred game, set up a Thomas the train track, food bribes, and just saying no more and taking the computer away, but the fit that followed could have resulted in major injury so I had to let him back, (I tried to calm him down for 20 mins before giving in) he as self injuring at the time.
While I have come to peace most of the time on what is going on with him I still struggle when I want to interact with him or even just try and not have him on a screen all day.
Right now I just feel like I am the one adrift looking for a land for me and my family where we all can be happy and live together. I wonder if we need something or some one else to help us find this land. I wonder about a puppy, mini-man likes dogs that are smaller then him and I know that dogs have been taught to work with autistic kids in different ways. I wonder if one could help us and bring my family all together once more, I need to do something and get my son and my family back. His visits to the Autistic Island is tearing us apart.